why writing is therapeutic and why I am starting again

It has been ages since I wrote something on this blog, a place I have kept mostly for myself as a sort of playground, a place I know almost no one visits, which makes it easy to store almost anything here.

So why did I stop?

And I mean, STOP. Because not only did I stop writing this blog, but almost stopped writing altogether.  Gone are the days of whimsical scribblings, political thoughts and hobby poetry, or at least they have been. for a long time.

The only thing I have continued doing is writing lyrics, but not without cause, never without there being a purpose for them.

Writing used to signify something for me, something which in the later years just became work. It used to be a way to let off some steam, to give space to feelings, to be able to see them on paper and in that way understand more about myself. At what point did I decide that it was time to stop seeing them? To stop understanding myself? Writing gives a new dimension to thoughts and feelings, a place where they are allowed to exist, a place to store them, to leave them, to escape them, because the mind needs help to empty, to process. And writing can be that help. It can serve as a sort of meditation, giving the mind a focus point, and the opportunity to delve deeper into some thoughts instead of either ignoring them or simply watching them pass by.

I think social media has influenced my transition into not writing at all, because of the exhibitionism it promotes and asks for. I think it makes people, including me, get away with superficial observations, and at the same time it constantly asks for more. So you get these mixed feelings - on the one hand you would like to pour your heart out to your friends, but you know that the more friends you have and the more frequently you do it, the less personal it becomes and it therefore separates itself from your actual feelings. So writing loses its importance. It´s like having a public diary, you can´t be honest so you filter out stuff, but at the same time you don´t keep an actual diary, and so those feelings that exist in between never get to come out.

The rise of social media has also brought (in my opinion) a huge focus on oneself, on what one does careerwise, that each move you make on social media needs to include some awesomeness, some talent, something unique - and this might make you shift focus - you no longer write because you want to, or you feel the need to, you either write because you want to be a writer, or you don´t write at all because you are afraid of being judged for not being better.

Anyway, these are the reasons I stopped writing, according to my intellect. Now, according to my heart things get rather easy, and rather complicated at the same time. Feelings are not easy. Thoughts are not easy. Sorting them out is NOT easy. Exposing ones vulnerability to oneself is one of the scariest things for me. Accepting what´s good and sorted and what could be better but also what really needs to change in one´s life is not easy to stare into just like that.

But I am starting again. Starting to write and express things, here, in my little corner. Maybe things will get easier to face. Maybe sorting out feelings and thoughts will get easier. Maybe writing will be fun again.